The aleady traumatised Timmy attempts escape as Nana’s ill-conceived Google search for ‘muddy breasts’ leads to its inevitable conclusion.
The year is 2030.
This is believed to be the last photograph taken of former UK Prime Minister David Cameron. His whereabouts are now unknown.
Jonny ‘The Butcher’ Santiago specializes in celebrity assassinations.
As of last night, Little Mix are no more.
Lone wolf, Big Tam McMurder, removes another potential threat to democracy by eliminating everyone attending the East Lothian Liberal Democrats’ OAP Coffee Morning.
As agreed with the ITV heirarchy, Lesley Judd delivers her soul to the offices of ‘I’m a Celebrity…..’.
“Give me coffee”.
“No, Rex, no bacon roll for you”.
“Coffee. I want coffee”.
“No, Rex! No!! You’ll get fed when we get home”.
“Jeez, I’m 63 in your years and you’ve not once bought me a coffee. What’s a lifelong, loyal friend got to do to get a coffee? Macchiato, please, if they do it”.
“Yes, nice bowl of Winalot is what you want”.
“Fucksake”.
If it wasn’t for the sandflies in Martha’s knickers it would have been a wonderful moment of well-being.
The annual pilgrimage to the distant slopes of Swazzock Hill, where the inhabitants of surrounding villages offer their newborns up for sacrifice.
Expecting to interview the 43rd President of the United States of America, Piers Morgan storms out of the studio as the research team collapse in hysterics.
With the last portion of Jim’s intestinal tract thrown to the now expectant gulls, Janice felt that she was finally in the clear.
